A few weeks ago I received one of the best massages I’ve ever had. A whole hour filled with the aroma of essential oil and the soothing sound of crashing waves. As my face sunk deeper into the pillow, I felt as though I had achieved ultimate relaxation. A few moments later that relaxation was abruptly interrupted by pain.
The massage therapist had discovered a trigger point and was determined to work it out. She described to me that the trigger points in our muscles are extremely tight areas that can cause pain in other places in our bodies. For instance, someone might experience neck pain due to a trigger point in his or her back. Rubbing the neck would only temporarily alleviate the pain, however the trigger point is the source of the pain and needs to be worked it out to eliminate the pain altogether. So obviously this trigger point needed to be worked on, however during the process I wanted her to move on because it was not exactly relaxing. In the end I’m glad she pressed on because I felt amazing in the days following.
Bear with me- I do have a point.
The past four months have been a little funky. I have felt bombarded with worries, decisions, fears, insecurities, and the list goes on. I can’t seem to shake feelings of regret and wishing I could go back to re-live certain moments. The phrase “I wish I would have” has consumed my vocabulary and plagued my thoughts. What a toxic phrase that only breeds regret and fuels discontentment. I dance with memories and imagine what I should have done. I fabricate scenarios of what could have been. Needless to say, my mind has not been productive but rather a playground for the Devils lies.
If I’m being honest, I guess I just thought my life would look a little different right now than it does. I have been a dreamer my whole life. Constantly lost in my mind planning my future and dreaming up what it might look like. From my week to my wedding I had it all planned out. I’ve never really experienced not knowing what the next phase in my life would look like, until now.
I was supposed to graduate college two months ago and begin graduate school next month. Instead, I have one semester left and then I have no clue where I am going. And that is an extremely strange and new feeling. Coming to terms with this change of plans and my unknown future has caused extreme discontentment. I am struggling to accept what my life has looked like thus far and feeling as though I may have missed out on certain experiences. I’m remembering goals I have not yet achieved and desires that remain unmet. This discontentment with my past and my future has kept me from trusting God. I have tried so hard to hold onto it and figure it all out on my own and I keep failing.
About a week ago I sat down, opened my Bible and finally asked God to help me. He revealed a beautiful truth to me and used my little massage story to bring it home.
I realized the soul is not much different than the body in this way. We have “spiritual” trigger points made up of [fears, unconfessed sins, gods, dreams, etc] not yet released to God that cause pain in other aspects of our lives. And God, much like a good massage therapist, will spend time on these trigger points with the ultimate goal of healing.
God is looking to make our whole soul sanctified. He desires absolute surrender. When he knows of an area you have not yet surrendered he will work there. It’s as if He is looking for trigger points in your soul that need to be worked out.
A huge trigger point in my soul was my future and my past. I had not fully surrendered my desires, dreams and hopes to Him and it was wreaking havoc in my heart.
I released every dream I had for my future, every regret from my past, every desire that remained unmet, and every fear regarding the unknown future. Immediately I felt peace and was reminded of all God has done in my life and why I can trust Him.
I spend so much time planning my life that I forget to rest in the God who has had my life planned out from the beginning of time. For it is in the arms of the One who plans my life where I find contentment, not in the plans for my life.
One of my favorite quotes is from missionary Oswald J. Smith. “I want Thy plan, O God, for my life. May I be happy and contented whether in the homeland or on the foreign field; whether married or alone, in happiness or sorrow, health or sickness, prosperity or adversity -- I want Thy plan, O God, for my life. I want it; oh, I want it.”
I want His plan more than my dreams. He is my soul’s deepest desire and my only source of joy.
When your life does not look the way you always thought it would. When the dreams you’ve dreamed for years have not come to fruition. When you feel as though you’ve wasted so much time. When your desires remain unmet. When the “what ifs” or the “if only’s” taunt your mind. When your friends experience things you’ve always wanted. When all you have to hang onto is the hope that’s fading-know this:
He is loyal. He is trustworthy. He has not forgotten you. He knows the plans he has for you. He is sovereign. His ways are higher than yours. He loves you with an everlasting love.
For she will not dwell unduly on the days of her life, because God keeps her busy with the joy of her heart. – Ecclesiastes 5:20
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